Towards the end of each year, I revisit my decisions and reflect on what I have learned, relearned, or unlearned during the year.
Three things I have (re)learned (so far) in 2025:
ONE: Confidence is not a feeling, but rather a decision, a choice we make.
Earlier this year, I found myself believing that when a person is confident, it is because of that person’s inherent trait, and it must be their core characteristic.
Most people define self-confidence as ‘believing in oneself,’ according to Roland Bénabou and Jean Tirole. One of the oldest definitions described by Ellen Lenney is an ‘individual’s positive expectations of performance and their self-evaluation of abilities and prior performance’. Finally, the Psychology Dictionary Online defines it as ‘an individual’s trust in his or her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or the belief that he or she can successfully face day-to-day challenges and demands’. Nevertheless, we understand that having more self-confidence is better than having less or no self-confidence. It affects our greater sense of self-worth and we tend to enjoy life, have more energy, feel more motivated to act, interact more, feel more relaxed, and be free from fear of self-doubt, fear, and anxiety. Thus, experiencing less stress, and our subjective happiness is higher.
Martin Seligman draws our attention to the fact that to truly master self-confidence, our positive self-image is not enough, as our behavior must follow. We build confidence by keeping the promises we make to ourselves— again and again. It’s simple, but not always easy. What does that look like in everyday life?
I will go for a walk… and I actually go.
I will practice Italian for 30 minutes every day … and I follow through.
This year, I promised myself to open my private mental health and well-being practice. Stepping into the unknown — the instability, the different pace, the demands — felt overwhelming. I had plenty of fears. But this experience reminded me that confidence doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to move forward anyway. It’s the stubbornness to choose myself. And it’s the commitment to do what I said I would do. By keeping my word to myself, I became more confident.
If you want to grow your confidence, start with small commitments. Make them, keep them, and let that consistency build your self-trust, discipline, and inner strength.
TWO: To love yourself, first you have to accept yourself.
Carl Jung said that “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Often, we don’t realize the negative motivation, our harsh and loud inner critic, that often leads us to burnout, anxiety, and feeling “never good enough”.
Focus on accepting yourself as you are NOW. Without amplifying the inner critic’s voice, practice instead compassionate love toward yourself. Brené Brown ties acceptance to genuine self-love by saying, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do”. Acceptance is the foundation of inner peace and self-love.
While browsing through the books at my favourite bookstore in Tucson, Arizona, this spring, I came across Amanda Knox’s book, Free: My Search for Meaning. Toward the end of her book, she wrote a poem that resonated with me deeply. It reminded me that a compassionate life is a life that is rooted in courage, kindness, self-forgiveness, vulnerability, freedom, and growth. It is what I wrote earlier: if we let pain, resentment, and bitterness navigate, we will never find love and freedom. If we embrace change courageously and trust ourselves, we can transform our lives. Courage, compassion, and curiosity create a resilient and open-hearted person. Being a healed person, where self-forgiveness is a central notion and freedom from fear, limitation, and wounds is both a goal and a daily practice.
THREE: Whakawhanaungatanga
Nope, I didn’t mash the keyboard. It is the cultural anthropologist in me that read this Maori word somewhere and sought to understand the meaning behind it. The word whakawhanaungatanga means: building and maintaining relationships is a gradual process — one that creates unity, belonging, and a shared sense of “us.” When we connect through shared experiences, we strengthen the thread that holds a community together. And at the center of all of this is trust.
Trust is one of the most valuable currencies in any community — large or small. Once it’s lost, it can be incredibly hard to rebuild. As John Gottman reminds us, “Trust is built in the smallest of moments.” It grows not from grand gestures, but from everyday actions, where we choose to show up for someone else without expecting anything in return.
These moments often require vulnerability. We may risk rejection or discomfort. But by taking that risk, we signal to the other person that we’re willing to be brave, to reach out, and to form a genuine connection. And it is through these small, courageous acts that trust deepens and communities thrive.
In closing: confidence, self-acceptance, and self-assurance don’t always come naturally. They are the result of conscious decisions and practice. Every small step you take in trusting yourself, accepting your flaws and strengths, or standing up for your values brings you closer to a life where you can be your true self. Remember: confidence is not always a feeling, sometimes it is simply a choice—the decision to believe in yourself, even when uncertainty is present.
Trusting yourself, accepting yourself, and consciously choosing confidence is not a single moment, but a continuous unfolding—shaped by each moment of courage. I will keep learning by carrying them with me into the years ahead.
What did 2025 teach you? I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments.
Photo credit: eliannedipp
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